I Question

A Girl was playing with a doll

Father: “Oh! My dear, that’s a costly doll from the US, it is meant to be in the box in the showcase. Not to be played like that, it will get spoilt.”

Daughter: “Bapa — if I don’t play with my doll now, when else will I play. And what is the point of a doll if it can’t be played with.”

My father always narrates this incident to share how one question of mine made him think deeply & changed his perspective on different things in life.

When I look back at my life, I feel a common thread that runs throughout has been this ability to question unhesitantly when my mind seeks clarity in times of confusion or unawareness or doubt or angst.

I was born in a middle-class family that comprised of my paternal grandmother, mother, father and elder brother. I was born and brought up in Hyderabad.

So as a child I used to question a lot, a few were as small as “ Amma why only I have to fill the water bottles & not Annaiyya(my elder brother)” to more poignant ones like “Why do only toppers get to perform in our School’s annual day?”

In our school, there was a practice that only toppers of a class would get a chance to perform for Annual Day. I could easily give in to the assumption that it was not possible for me to get a chance, but I didn’t. I learned that I should at least try to express my desire or make an attempt.

And finally, I did get a part to play.

Likewise, I continued to question & after the 12th standard, I joined Electronics & Comm Engg. Here, I was directing my questions to Professors & my friends. Like how could America attack Iraq in 2003 or what did Pink Floyd mean by “ We don’t need no Education”.

However, as the final year of Graduation approached, the idealism & that rebellious nature had to be replaced with practicality & fear for the future. And my only goal had become to secure a job, which I did & started my journey into the Corporate World at Satyam Computers Services(now known as Tech Mahindra).

Uneasiness & restlessness grew, as there was no connection to what I studied in college, to what I got trained during training & to what I was finally working on.

Without letting my mind ask any questions, I could choose to continue the job, work onsite & settle there. But my mind did pop up with questions like “ Do you really aspire for that kind of lifestyle? Are you doing justice to your potential in this role?”.

So I took the path less opted, the one filled with experiments & explorations. However, all this wasn’t culminating at one end goal & purpose. Leaving me dejected & I was regretting my decision of taking this path of experiments.

One day, however, I paused & reflected in my life. I observed that till then, whenever I had a question, I was seeking answers from other people than making that first attempt from within.

So thus I started questioning, the Nandini, inside me first, the journey to know the real Nandini began found a lot of beautiful revelations about life as I started taking responsibility & stopped blaming.

I wouldn’t say I have found all the answers yet but learned there are a few fundamentals of life which are pivotal to success irrespective of the Goal one sets like consistency & discipline are way more imp than intelligence, execution is important than perfect planning, the importance of MY time to reflect & re-energize & many more.

Finally, I have come to peace with the idea that even though I don’t know the path ahead clearly, what is more, important is to not stop asking those questions which might lead to unimaginable destiny.

So I continue, to question — For some I found answers, for some, I am yet to find.

PS: I reflected back on a few incidents of my life when I actually hesitated to ask or question. I did not follow my heart in those times putting my intelligence on a less pedestal than the other person. I assumed that the other person is on a higher pedestal being more knowledgeable like an experienced uncle or a manager or an SME, and thought that my questions might seem rude or unnecessary or stupid. Most of such incidents had back-fired. Thus, as I write this blog, I am reminded to not lose my nature of questioning. Maybe I can get better at the art of questioning so that it seems pleasant and not rude.

The above content was part of my ice-breaker toastmasters speech in April 2019.