Power of Open-Ended Questions with Kids
I was introduced to the term “ Open-Ended Questions” way back in 2008–9 when I was working in Training & Development team. I was amazed to learn how ignorant we were in using words that don’t allow the other person to open up. How the change in wording, can help us dig a wealth of information from the other person. And how, by being a little conscious, we can transform our daily conversations to add so much more meaning.
We generally tend to ask “ How was the presentation?” which majorly gets answered in “ Good or Ok”. However, if we reframe the question and ask “What could have been different in today’s presentation?” there are greater chances of a longer insightful conversation.
Though I felt “wow” by this learning then, I was using it less frequently. Now, in my conversations with my daughter, I feel I used it more often. I feel this learning and mastery especially in kids conversations can be categorised into levels of Basic and Pro. I am just around the Basic level. So for a certain type of conversation, I do use open-ended questions. However, the more I get conscious, I realise I have a long long way to go.
Initially, I noticed most of our conversations were like the following
“ Leela, isn’t this butterfly so colourful?” — Her answer would be “ Yes”
“ Leela, isn’t this toy so big?” (ఈ బొమ్మ ఎంత పెద్దగా ఉంది కదా) — Her answer would be “ Yes”.(అవును)
In these kinds of conversations, kids are participating passively. Their responses are restricted to yes or no. Whereas, if we reframed the questions the following way, you will be surprised with the answers these kids have
So slowly I started reframing the sentences to the following
“ Leela, what colour do you think is this butterfly ?” — Her answer would be Brown with some black circles.
“Leela, what does this toy look like?” (ఈ బొమ్మ ఎట్లా కనిపిస్తోంది నీకు)—Her answer would be like a building (ఒక పెద్ద బిల్డింగ్ లాగా)
Typically, I use the following sentences,
“Let’s cut a circle to make the eye of the Monster.”
“ Hand me the black colour to paint the Road.”
“Let’s put this Coriander on the top for garnish.”
If we notice, we kind of prompt answers than waiting to hear how they intend to solve the problem themselves. I am slowly learning that there are “Pro type of conversations”. Though I don’t use them that often in my present conversations, I can feel their power. Below Instagram Pic, captures the idea beautifully. Further, I learnt, that this is so critical in building intrinsic motivation in our kids.
I wondered when there are so many advantages, why we don’t use them often. I realised that the following are the core hurdles in implementing this thought for any parent
- Obviously, we are not aware. We talk or speak the way we have been taught or spoken to as kids. ( With this blog, I wish to make some inroads on this aspect.)
- We as parents seem to be in some kind of hurry most of the time and don’t give that pace and time for kids to figure it at their pace. So for busy parents, maybe start by dedicating only an hour a day. Similar to the idea of no screens hour or no social media hour, we can have a dedicated no hurry hour with our kids.
- We are programmed as parents, to feel that our primary job is to teach kids. I feel this is the biggest hurdle.
- Because of the above programming, we immediately try to correct the kids at that moment. These on the contrary are moments for us to learn as Parents. If my daughter looking at a yellow butterfly said, that it was a brown butterfly. It is an insight for me to work on her colours further. If my daughter describes every object as a building. It is an insight for me to work on expanding her vocabulary. These are NOT the moments for us to correct them. ( To know why to check this blog)
- When as parents we are looking for quick fixes or quick outcomes. This won’t help. Just that I think it’s high time we as parents refrain ourselves from such quick solutions approaches and start looking at our kids' upbringing in a more holistic way. A more sustainable way. Which in turn is a lot peaceful both for parents and kids in the long run.
To summarise the advantages of open-ended questions are
- We get a sneak peek into their minds and thoughts and imaginations.
- We allow them to think on their own, make an attempt at least, to stretch their brain muscles.
- We get insights into their learning and observations. Eventually, making us work on where we need to further focus.
- We nurture their intrinsic motivation, which is the only sustainable solution if we want our kids to be lifelong learners.
So lets at least now begin to include a few open-ended conversations with our kids, and eventually with all our loved ones.
Please do share your thoughts and feedback in the comments section below.
