Why Practicing a Growth Mindset as a Parent Isn’t Always Easy (But Worth It)
A Growth Mindset can be defined in many ways, but I’ve found that the best way to truly understand it is by noticing how it shows up (or doesn’t) in our everyday interactions and thoughts. Recently, I had a powerful experience that reminded me just how challenging — and rewarding — it can be to apply Growth Mindset in parenting. This is my story with Leela and the unexpected lessons I learned along the way.
Fixed vs. Growth Mindset in Real Life
When we think of mindsets, we often think of them as abstract concepts. But in reality, they reveal themselves in our reactions to challenges, mistakes, and even the success of others. Here’s my way of interpreting it.
Fixed Mindset Thinking Sounds Like:
1. When I face a challenge, I have an attitude of frustration and avoidance.
2. When I commit a mistake or face a failure, I see it as a reflection that I am incapable or have a shortcoming.
3. When I see, another’s success, I see it as a threat and put energy into proving myself better or right.
4. When I am given constructive criticism, I take it personally, I feel shrunk.
Growth Mindset Thinking Sounds Like:
1. When I face a challenge, I have an attitude of being curious and willing to put in effort.
2. When I commit a mistake or face a failure, I see it as an opportunity to learn something new and grow.
3. When I see, another’s success, I see it with excitement as an inspiration.
4. When I am given constructive criticism, I feel excited and thankful.
A First Climbing Adventure
I first heard about Growth Mindset from Carol Dweck’s TED Talk, but working with Big Life Journal has deepened my understanding. Every day, I see how parents can help their kids develop a Growth Mindset, and we practice it ourselves in our company culture.
But knowing something and living it daily can be two different things. Yesterday, my daughter Leela gave me an unexpected opportunity to put my Growth Mindset into practice.
The Setting: Leela’s friend Pri invited her to a “Clip and Climb” experience, a safe, simulated environment where kids can try climbing. It was Leela’s first time, but Pri was excited to guide her through the ropes since she’d been there before. Unlike Leela, Pri is physically adventurous and loves challenging activities, while Leela tends to be more cautious and deliberate with physical tasks.
Facing Comparison Traps
As soon as we arrived, Leela started showing signs of hesitation. She said she was both excited and nervous, and I reassured her that it was okay to go at her own pace. But then, as I watched Pri climb confidently, I found myself slipping into a comparison mindset. I felt disappointed that Leela wasn’t immediately diving in with the same courage.
Lesson 1: Comparison is a natural habit, but with awareness, we can catch ourselves and choose words and actions that support our children instead.
Embracing the Moment
Despite my worries, I held back and didn’t push Leela to “be more like Pri.” I refrained from saying things like, “Look how easily Pri is climbing” or offering rewards for reaching certain heights. Instead, I reminded myself that it was okay for Leela to approach this in her own way.
Lesson 2: It’s natural to feel a pang of disappointment, but as parents, our role is to see these moments as opportunities for growth. What matters is not how fast our kids achieve something but that they’re trying and learning.
Finding Our Own Pace
I took a few deep breaths, centring myself so I could be more present. Leela, while unsure at first, found her way to the “Glow in the Dark” section. It was an area she felt drawn to, so I let her explore without pushing my own agenda. I could feel our connection deepen as I stayed fully present with her, celebrating each small victory.
Lesson 3: Children pick up on our emotions. They sense our confidence — or lack of it. When we calm ourselves, it creates space for them to be brave and explore at their own pace.
Taking One Step at a Time
As Leela grew more comfortable, I gently encouraged her with mantras like, “You don’t have to go to the top — just one step more.” I saw her focus and push herself a bit further each time. This experience taught me that when we’re truly present with our children, each little step they take feels like a big victory.
Lesson 4: Be present with your child. Rather than focusing on what others are doing or rushing to give advice, simply being there allows you to truly witness their growth. And you will contribute to their growth in more ways than you can imagine.
Embracing the Challenges
Watching Pri’s ease with climbing, I’ll admit, a thought crossed my mind: “I wish Leela had that natural talent, to climb with ease.” But soon, I felt grateful that she was facing her own challenges. This was her chance to practice resilience, independence, and emotional regulation. I realized that the real gift was in the struggle.
Lesson 5: Feel excited about your child’s challenges — they’re opportunities for growth. These moments teach resilience and a Growth Mindset better than any lecture ever could.
In the end, something unexpected happened. Given Leela’s initial apprehension, my goal was simple: make sure she tried each challenge once. If I hadn’t practised Growth Mindset and respected her pace, I might have forced her to try every climb through threat or bribe. Though I encouraged her to try each challenge, she made it clear that some climbs she wouldn’t even try.
What I didn’t expect was that she would reach the top — not once, but three times — and each success sparked her eagerness to try again. Her excitement was palpable, and she even wished for more time to climb.
Some might say she missed out by not trying every climb, or that letting her choose goes against preparing her for a competitive world. But had I forced her into each climb, she would have missed the journey of self-discovery, confidence, and authentic pride that came from following her own internal motivation.
Final Lesson: Often, our vision of success for our children doesn’t match the one they carve out for themselves. When we set aside our biases, we open up possibilities for them to explore their own path. So, let’s trust in the potential of their unique journey.
Lessons for Every Parent
- Notice the Comparison Trap:
It’s easy to compare our kids to others, but with awareness, we can step back. Focus on their unique journey instead. - Guide, Don’t Push:
Rather than forcing progress, gently encourage. Allow your child to take each step at their own pace. - Stay Calm and Present:
Kids pick up on our emotions. By staying calm and engaged, we create a safe, supportive space for their growth. - Celebrate Small Wins:
Success isn’t only about reaching the top; it’s about each step forward. Recognize and cheer on these moments. - Embrace the Hard Parts:
Growth comes through discomfort. Be excited about challenges — they’re valuable opportunities for learning and resilience. - Trust Their Path to Success:
The vision we hold may not match theirs. By letting go of our biases, we open the door for them to achieve in ways we hadn’t imagined.
“Have you ever let go of a goal you had for your child, only to be surprised by what they achieved on their own?”
